Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
