maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
