I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize