Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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