the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
