All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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