i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
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got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.