You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.