So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions