the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave