i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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