Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
