Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
high people should be assigned attendants
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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