I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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