The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
