It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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