You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
