Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
