Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
