All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
