so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Panties = found
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