I need help removing her.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
