Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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