there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
