Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
