so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize