that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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