My liver just broke up with me...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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