At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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