Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
