Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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