I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
