Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
