tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
