Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
