i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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