Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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