I wish life had little blips of pornography
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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