she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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