sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
