We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
