I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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