So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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