sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
