Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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