Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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