I faked an abortion last night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
