Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
