I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
