Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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