When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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