woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
