She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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