You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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