I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
