i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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