You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
