Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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