I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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