I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
