Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
