I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the day after is always just damage control
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
