I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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