he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
