You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
