I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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