I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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