my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
