I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
