omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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