just survived the first fart of the relationship.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
