It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize