new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
