Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
