it's too hot outside to masturbate.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
