There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
