I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
