i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
