Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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