The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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