i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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