what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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